I don’t know how rare it is for weirdo hipsters like me to be smitten with sports. I’m guessing the rarity is parallel to an early Modest Mouse vinyl. Or something. My love for sports is just about as great as my love for music. Also, just so you know, I do own some early Modest Mouse vinyl. And just like I do Modest Mouse, I like sports (if women aren’t involved, of course).

Honestly, ever since I was a kid I’ve been kind of sports geek. Minus those teen-angst years, of course — when I denounced the NFL in favor of Slipknot and Hot Topic (yeah, that includes the ONE year the Falcons were good). Over the years I’ve somehow managed to meld my tattooed arms; my stretched earlobes; my fauxhawk and every other element that puts me on the hipster Bingo chart with a career designing sports pages for one of the biggest newspapers in the country. It’s like my own personal peanut butter & jelly vitality.

So yeah, that leads me to the home-run derby. It’s on right now — as I write this in fact. When I was younger (back before all these latin americans invaded the league with their gonzalezy names; when the “foreigners” in the league looked like Jose Conseco) I always rooted for Griffey, Jr. Those days are gone, and now it seems like most of the major steroid-crusted manly-men are too pansy to participate. So we’re left with the likes of Troy Glaus and David Wright. Yeah they’re good hitters, but much better at getting on base than hitting a ball 500 feet.

I got screwed into the 5th pick in our office pool, so I’m stuck rooting for David Wright.

Like everyone in this year’s contest, Wright’s a pretty good hitter, and he’s got the Mets way up in the NL East. But I’m not holding my breath. Where’s Pujols? Giambi? Come on you nancies. Just use an extra needle and you’ll be fine by next week. Hike up your skirts and play. You’re already getting paid millions for playing the world’s easiest sport. The least you can do is give me a chance to win my five bucks back.

Come on David Wright, if you win I can buy the new Walkmen vinyl.